he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
