You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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