Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
