booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
