apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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