i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
