Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's just like the Real World with babies
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
