hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it because I queefed?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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