Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
