Don't make out with my wife yet
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
