She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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