And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
