i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
