she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I am naked and annoyed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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