whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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