New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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