There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
