I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
