there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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