dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
