Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
