i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
