i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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