Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
