I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
