I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
