It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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