btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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