Swine flu is the new snow day.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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