apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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