I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
