we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
