Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize