ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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