I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
