a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
