I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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