If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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