What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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