do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
