The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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