So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
