So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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