well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
