the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just found a bag of teeth...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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