forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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