i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This is my gift to your gina
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
