my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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