Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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