I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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