so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
