New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
