Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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