Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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