is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
