I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
"it" just moved
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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