You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
