sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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