I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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