I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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