11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
