remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
