pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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