he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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