Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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