the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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