I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
