I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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