VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My feet surprised me
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