can we get nightvision for the apartment?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Who died my cat blue again?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
