Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
