I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
