I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
