the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
