I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize