My Higher Power is John Stamos
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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