You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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