Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
