well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
