I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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