I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
