I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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