Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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