Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
