That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
