You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wish i was in the wii world.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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