When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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