I want to make a zoo with you.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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