Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
