in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize