it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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