I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
