I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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