How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
