just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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