Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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