Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
