You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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