he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
