I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
