why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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