This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
