Will you blow on my dice?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
