I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
