so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
